Real Talk — No Shame About Your Body: If you’re just starting to explore dating and know that your relationship with sex is different than what’s “expected,” it’s natural to feel a little unsure of how to talk about it. One question that comes up a lot, especially from people who identify as low-libido, sex-averse, or asexual, is this:
“Should I tell people early on that I’m not super into sex?”
The short answer? Not necessarily right away — but yes, eventually, and in a way that feels true to you.
Low Libido Isn’t a Problem to Fix
First and foremost, you are not a red flag.
Having a low sex drive, feeling uncertain about sex, or even not wanting it at all doesn’t make you broken or weird — it makes you human. Just like some people crave frequent physical intimacy, others don’t. That’s not something to apologize for; it’s just part of who you are.
You don’t have to treat your sexuality (or lack thereof) like some kind of hidden flaw that needs to be revealed with a dramatic confession. It’s simply one of many aspects of your identity, and you get to decide when and how you share it.
Should You Mention It on the First Date?
You don’t need to bring it up on the first date unless it naturally comes up or you feel like you want to. First dates are about figuring out if you click — conversation, vibe, values. You’re not signing a contract; you’re just meeting a person.
As the connection deepens and things seem to be heading in a more romantic or intimate direction, that’s the time to start talking more openly. If you think someone is starting to imagine a future that includes physical intimacy, and that’s something you’re not likely to want (or want in the same way), it’s fair — and kind — to be transparent.
Being Real About Sex Isn’t Weird
Sometimes people say, “If they really liked you, it wouldn’t matter.” That’s only partly true.
Yes — someone who genuinely cares about you will want to understand your boundaries and respect them. But sex can be a core part of compatibility for many people, and it’s okay if two people just want different things. That doesn’t mean either person is selfish or wrong. It just means you’re not the right match.
Being honest gives both of you a chance to figure that out sooner rather than later.
Compatibility Isn’t Just About Sex
Here’s the truth: lots of people feel pressure to perform when dating — to fit into what they think other people want. But real relationships — the kind that last and actually feel good — come from honesty, curiosity, and mutual respect.
So if you’re low-libido, sex-repulsed, asexual, not ready, or just unsure about it all? That’s your truth. And someone who’s a good match for you will be open to hearing it and responding with kindness, even if they ultimately want something different.
How to Talk About Low Libido While Dating
Here’s a simple way to approach it:
- First date: No need to bring it up unless you want to. Just feel things out.
- Early dating phase: If it seems like things might get physical or you’re starting to develop deeper feelings, bring it up calmly and casually. You might say something like:
“Hey, just so you know — I have a really low sex drive, and I’m not super into that side of things. I wanted to mention it early on so we’re both clear about what we’re looking for.”
- Be open to conversation. They might have questions. It’s okay to not have all the answers — what matters is that you’re being honest.
Final Thoughts
Dating isn’t about trying to mold yourself into what someone else wants — it’s about finding someone who wants what you genuinely bring to the table.
Whether you’re low-libido, asexual, just not ready for sex, or still figuring things out, you deserve a relationship built on understanding, not pressure.
So no, you don’t need to warn anyone. But when things start to move toward intimacy, having a clear, kind conversation will save you both a lot of confusion — and open the door for the kind of connection that actually works for you.
If you’re still figuring out your sexuality or your relationship with sex, that’s completely normal too. You don’t need to label it right now. Just be honest about where you’re at, and go from there.
