Let’s be real: exploring sex with a partner can open up exciting, confusing, and sometimes awkward moments — especially when we step outside traditional roles. One Reddit user recently shared an honest experience where his girlfriend, during sex, playfully used a dildo on herself and then suddenly put it in his mouth, encouraging him to mimic oral play. He was into it — until she stopped and said, “You’re gay, you liked that too much.”
The confusion that followed was real: Does enjoying a submissive act make me gay? Was it wrong to enjoy it? Why would she react like that?
Let’s unpack this — not with shame, but with science, sex education, and real talk.
Kinks Don’t Define Orientation
Enjoying a submissive role — or any specific sexual act — does not automatically define your sexual orientation.
- Sexual orientation is about who you’re attracted to emotionally, romantically, or sexually.
- Kinks and preferences are about the types of sensations, power dynamics, or roles you enjoy during sex.
For example: Many straight men enjoy things like pegging, oral submission, or prostate stimulation. Why? Because it feels good, or it allows them to explore different aspects of intimacy and trust. That doesn’t mean they’re attracted to men. It means they’re open-minded about pleasure.
Pleasure does not equal identity. You can explore what feels good without it rewriting who you are.
Her Reaction: “You’re Gay”
Let’s talk about this moment — because it’s more common than people think.
Sometimes, when a partner tries something bold and sees their partner enjoying it, they feel:
- Surprised
- Uncomfortable with their own actions (“Did I just dominate him?”)
- Confused about what it says about them or their partner
In this case, her reaction might not have come from cruelty — but from discomfort, insecurity, or misunderstanding. When we’re not taught healthy ways to talk about kinks or roles, it’s easy to fall back on labels or jokes that hit hard.
That doesn’t make it okay — but it does open the door for a better conversation.
So… What Do You Do Now?
1. Talk About It: Bring it up gently:
“Hey, I’ve been thinking about last night. I really liked the moment we shared, and when you said I was gay for enjoying it, it threw me off. Can we talk about it?”
2. Clarify What Turns You On: Let her know: it’s not about gender, it’s about dynamic.
“I trust you. I like when you take the lead sometimes — it’s exciting, not about being with anyone else.”
3. Explore Together
If she’s open to it, explore dominance and submission together. Many couples thrive when they lean into roleplay, power exchange, and kink — with mutual consent and communication.
Normalizing Conversations About Sex
This situation highlights a broader issue: so many of us never got proper sex education about pleasure, consent, or kink. That leaves room for shame, stereotypes, and unnecessary conflict.
By talking openly and kindly, couples can:
- Learn what truly turns them on
- Drop the labels and embrace the nuance
- Build deeper sexual trust and emotional intimacy
Final Thought
You’re not “weird.” You’re not broken. You’re not gay just because you enjoyed a submissive moment.
You’re a human being discovering what makes sex meaningful and exciting — and that’s something worth celebrating, not judging.
Your desires are valid. Your questions are valid. And your growth as a sexual being is just part of being alive.
Got questions about sex, identity, or intimacy that no one talks about? This is a space for honesty, science, and no shame. Drop your thoughts or send a message — let’s make sex ed real again.
